#Helpful Tips - for the Married and would-be Married.
Just like wives need love, husbands need respect.
God’s design for marriage is laid out here, in Ephesians
5, and His purpose goes WAY beyond the scope of the
health of our individual marriages – although if we
follow His design, we will have much healthier
marriages.
God’s highest purpose in marriage is to
showcase the intimate relationship between Christ and
His people. We are acting out a living parable where
husbands represent Christ and wives represent the
church to bring glory to God and to help our children and
others around us grasp what God is like in a more
concrete way.
Ephesians 5:22-33
New International Version (NIV)
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as
you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of
the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of
which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her to make her
holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through
the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant
church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,
but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands
ought to love their wivesas their own bodies. He who
loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever
hated their own body, but they feed and care for their
body, just as Christ does the church— for we are
members of his body. “For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.” This is a
profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the
church. However, each one of you also must love his
wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her
husband.
RESPECT 101
So here are some ideas of ways you can show respect
to your husband. Think of it like a buffet. This is not a
list of rules – but some ways some wives use to show
respect that works for them. Some things may apply to
your marriage, some may not. There are some things
that speak respect to just about all husbands, but each
man is unique, so you will need to possibly ask your
husband about things – maybe just a few at a time –
and learn what speaks respect best to him. That is
what matters most! I had some husbands’ input on this
list. Thank you, gentlemen!
With His Job
It’s important to realize here that what a man does is a
part of who he is. This is part of the reason that the first
thing one man will probably ask the other is “what do
you do?” I think that a lot of wives lose out on
connections that they can make with their husbands
because they want to separate him from his work– and
yet that work is what he does for most of his day.
Let him know how much you appreciate the
work that he does.
If his company has a get together, don’t try to
get out of it.
Learn something about his profession– so that
you’re at least conversant.
Just like you’d like him to ask you about your
day, ask him about his.
Find out what he wants to do with his life.
try to support his dreams and ambitions
Prepare a snack just for him and his
coworkers (the people in his office will look up
to him!)
Send him thoughtful or playful texts while he’s
at work.
Include a brief note of praise in his lunch (if he
brings one).
See him off in the morning.
Welcome him home from the day.
At Your Church
It’s hard to argue that church is not a place that a man
should lead. Many places in the Scripture men are
called to be leaders of the home, they’re given jobs to
do and roles to fill, but you are probably the most
important piece to his ability to find respect and
leadership in the church. Why? Because people will be
looking to see how he leads his family, how he cares for
them, and whether his family respects him. What you
show or do not show reflects on him even more in this
setting.
If you find it appropriate, cover your head. (I
Corinthians 11:3-16)
Encourage him in his abilities.
Talk positively about him.
Defer to him when asked about making
time commitments.
If you have a question about something in the
sermon, ask him first before going to the
preacher/teacher.
Actually, finding something to talk about or ask
about the sermon would be a great way to show
respect, even if you know the answer. Show
him that you care about his thoughts and ideas
on the subject!
If your husband doesn’t ordinarily attend, then
praise him when he does.
Thank him for taking the family to church.
Let your husband know that you are praying for
God to give him wisdom as the spiritual leader
of the family.
Encourage him to participate in men’s groups
where appropriate – don’t begrudge him that
time.
Don’t make fun of his singing if he’s monotone!
Praise him for getting involved.
In Your Home
In most cases, you are the master of your home. You
are probably there most of the time, you know how to
clean it much better than he does, and you are probably
given free reign to do with it as you please. However,
he will still want to claim some area as his– the den, an
office, the garage. There has to be some space that he
is allowed to be as “organized” as he wants and that he
can call his own. Call it a guy thing.
Allow him to have a space that is defined as his.
Ask him respectfully and with a pleasant tone of
voice about projects you would like to be done
around the house and an idea for when you want
them done.
Do not nag him to get the projects completed.
Be clear in your requests, don’t make him guess.
If what he does is not up to your standards,
explain what you would prefer without being
judgmental.
Be his wife, not his mom.
Allow his input into what you make for meals.
Praise the things that he gets accomplished.
Guard your tongue as to how you talk about
some feature of the house you do not like–
most likely he’s providing for it and he could
take it as an attack on him or his ability to
provide well for the family.
Make the house presentable, but don’t stress
over being perfect.
Home is where you are, more than the house, if
you’re stressed, he will be upset.
Respect that he sees women all day long that
have prepared themselves to be in public– what
do you look like when he sees you?
Clean out all clothing that doesn’t fit or he
doesn’t like. (If he is ok with that, of course!)
There’s a look that you know how to give…
Massage his shoulders when he isn’t expecting
it.
Run your fingers through his hair.
Sit down next to him and snuggle into his arm.
Leave a note on his night stand that lists a few
of the traits you respect in him.
Write a message in the mirror he’ll see after he
showers.
On Vacation
When going on vacation, it isn’t time to let up on letting
him or encouraging him to lead.
Don’t question whether he knows how to get
where he’s going. Let him ask you if he wants
help with directions.
Ask him how much you should pack.
Let him pack the car– it’s a big sign of
manliness to figure out how to get all the
luggage in there
He’s goal oriented and will want to make it as
far as he’s planned. Try to keep stops to a
minimum.
Ask how far he wants to get that day.
Do what you can to keep the commotion down.
Take turns driving if he would appreciate that.
Realize that many men view the ability to drive
the whole way manly– it’s not a comment about
whether you can drive.
Don’t blackmail with embarrassing vacation
photos!
Make sure he’s included in family photos– no
one likes to see that they were never there. But
don’t force him to be in tons of pictures if he
hates having his picture made!
Plan time to make the vacation special with the
two of you, even if you have brought the kids.
Make sure that you get the proper amount of
sleep– hard to be respectful when you’re
fighting exhaustion!
Let him know what you would like to do on the
vacation, that way he’s not taken by surprise.
Try to stick to the plan. Some things can’t be
helped, but not keeping to a plan can be
frustrating.
Enjoy yourselves– it will let him feel like he’s
providing a good time.
Thank him for all that he does and for the
wonderful trip.
At The Store
The store can be an infuriating place for a guy. You’ve
made the list, he doesn’t know what’s on it. You know
the brands, he wants to get in and out as fast as
possible. You’re there for clothing, he has nothing to do
while you try things on.
Share lists, if possible– nothing’s more
humiliating than having to follow you around as
you dole out instructions.
If you find something’s amiss, show him the
right brand without judging the one he got– no
huffing.
Purchase more at once, if your husband is ok
with that, this allows for fewer trips to the store.
If you’re clothes shopping, plan to do it without
the kids.
Plan to get his input on your clothing choices.
Don’t stick him holding your purse.
Don’t take him if you don’t need him there.
If you’re getting clothing, maybe to make it
exciting, pick up something “just for him.”
Try for efficiency. He knows that his time is
worth something, do you?
If there’s something that he’s mentioned that is
at the store, make sure that you get it–
especially if he’s mentioned it more than once.
Surprises are nice– for both people– so think
about surprising him when he’s not looking if it
is within your budget.
In Front of the Kids
Nowhere is order and respect more important than in
front of the kids. I’d also say that nowhere is it harder.
You’re in charge all day. You have to make decisions,
maintain discipline, teach, and be all that your kids and
your house requires. When your husband arrives home,
it can be easy to look at him as just another person
needing something, or to look at him as the cavalry
where you can go veg out and he can take over. Neither
of these are necessarily helpful.
Stop what you are doing and smile, HUG him
and KISS him like you mean it and say,
“Welcome home!”
Teach the children to clean up a bit before
Daddy comes home and then run to him and
welcome him home. Make that time special!
If you have a concern about how he handled
something, don’t question him in front of the
kids.
Get his input on decisions, especially bigger
ones.
If you ask his opinion, make sure you act on it–
otherwise don’t ask.
If he tells the kids something (either they can or
can’t do something), don’t alter it, even if you
think you know better.
Make sure that you’re on the same page raising
the kids.
Escalate to him– children should know it’s a
worse thing to have to be disciplined by dad.
Realize that him not being there all day means
less time he has to be consistent, and encourage
him in consistency with discipline.
Praise him to your kids when your kids are not
around.
Have your kids pray for him when he is not
around.
Talk with your kids about what he does–
especially in his presence.
Dad’s can get the impression that they’re just a
wallet– teach gratitude.
Encourage him to play with his kids, and provide
space to do so.
Show your kids how you love and respect him,
and they will to. The tone of voice you use and
way you speak to your husband is the way your
children will speak to him, too!
Make your husband a priority over the kids.
They need to see that your relationship is
important.
Make date night a priority in your life– prepare
for it, talk about it, etc.
Make sure your kids know you are fixing your
husband’s favorite meal.
Help the kids prepare a treat for your husband.
Know that he’s not the perfect husband and you’re not
the perfect wife, but start from the heart, and learn/
practice respect.
