|Love+Relationship| - #God's Way - "Making your Relationship WORK.

GOOD READ:
Wow! You finally met your "Adam" -your boo! And you looooove him so much! So much.. sometimes, you want to EXPRESS it physically by kissing, rubbing, cuddling.. or maybe even sex. YOU want to feel close to him ...BUT deep down, YOU want your relationship to glorify God. YOU don't want your relationships to mirror your past relationships but you can't quite figure out how to "court" or date .. God's way. You KEEP taking your past ways of thinking from the world.. into your courting relationship and you find yourself having to choose between GOD and your man, often. So you both have sex, repent and give that area to God.. OVER & OVER again. You're TIRED. You WANT to live for GOD for real but you aren't convinced that you should break up with your boo. YOU want to make things work but you just cannot figure out how to turn off that switch. You could be engaged and SO close to the wedding day-- HOW do you abstain?!?

SO, let's first quickly break down the difference between courting & dating.

[Dating vs. Courting]
Before we even get into that-- let's just make sure that we're ALL on the same page. YOU don't get into a relationship with an unbeliever. (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). SOOO, if he says he's a Christian, but he wants to be a drug-dealing, thug rapper that curses every 5 minutes-- he aint the one. OR to bring it closer to home.. if he goes to "church" but tries to screw you every 5 minutes, HE aint the one. A tree is identified by it's FRUIT. FRUIT of your salvation is a changed life. You can't just "say" you're a Christian cuz you go to church. Demons can do that.

Courtship:
Takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage.
Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times.
Courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner.
Courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

Dating:
Spends a ton of time alone which presents a ton of temptations
Family isn't as involved
Foreplay, not going all the way, going all the way, "test driving each other"
No clear purpose-- just a lot of conditional dating & confusion on "where is this relationship going??!)
Plays house. Calls each other wifey & hubby & does husband & wife-like things but has no commitment
There's still a option to date others, ya'll aren't totally sold & still "trying each other out"

[HOW to make sure your relationship GLORIFIES God]

1. STOP having sex. If you're having sex & ya'll aint married. JUST STOP IT! HAVING sex is SEPARATING you from GOD! God may be trying to speak to you concerning that guy.. but you can't hear because your vision is all clouded because you're in "love"-- you aint in love, you're in lust. LOVE waits until marriage. So first step-- go to God-- MAKE sure that God is ok with you even staying with that person. Real talk. HE is JEALOUS for you. If God is cool with you staying with him (and BOTH sides have repented and made a decision to honor God) then start this journey on the same PAGE (amos 3:3). Meaning you SET up some boundaries. STOP cuddling, rubbing, putting yourself in 1:1 situations and if it's late, you shouldn't be at each others house!

And let's clear this up-- if you cannot STOP having sex-- lasciviousness has crept into your relationship. NOW you cannot find the breaks or STOP having sex. BUT you can. YOU will desire whatever you put in front of you & give your attention to.. so tell your little flesh to shut up & be determined to obey GOD. Remember, that man didn't PAY the price for you. Christ did. So he should keep his paws off your body that doesn't belong to either one of you until you get MARRIED.
And for those of you who are smiling as you read this & thinking.. "we haven't had sex.. we have messed around but haven't gone the whole way"-- well, babygirl, I'm talking to YOU as well. Do you think that God doesn't look at ya'll playing around with the SAME destest?! It's a MINDSET.. "BE HOLY as HE is HOLY"- 1 Peter 1:16

And if you don't believe me that it's wrong to have sex outside of marriage, it's clear here: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." - 1 Corinthians 6:18

2. Guard your heart. (Proverbs 4:23) STOP watching stupid reality TV songs, going to clubs, love-sex songs, pornography or blogs. DO you know that those things plant seeds in  your heart. Then, you wonder why you want to live it out & be sexual with  your guy! SO stop being all sexual as you sing & dance a beyonce song to your guy. Even IF you're joking. Men are visual & their APPLIANCES work. WHY test it out?

3. Actions. Are you super sexual? Do you dance in front of him a ton? Do you change in front of him or wear low-cut shirts? Do you wear bikinis around him at the pool? JUST STOP!
I mean.. why by the milk if you're getting to see EVERY part of the cow for free..

4. Tell your emotions to shut up. So of COURSE you want to lay up, kiss, cuddle and do all of those things but at SOME point, you just have to tell your emotions to calm DOWN. When you finally take a stand & obey GOD in your relationship-- the flesh won't have a foothold in your heart-- THEN you'll be able to pass some tests. WHEN you honor God-- he will OVERWHELM you with honor. I'm watching the Lord do that in our life.
SO, take ya tail home at night. Tell each other NO. LOVE God more than you love each other.

5. GOD has to be first. This is so cliche. But it's the truth & this will never change. the above 4 reasons won't happen unless GOD is really first in  your heart. Spend DAILY time with Him, apply what you learned, serve in your local church, walk in love, pray earnestly for your guy, forgive whoever hurt you-- DO your part. When TWO believers come together with their hearts committed to Christ.. YOU both turn into a POWER COUPLE.

6. Spend time with God. THIS will be included in EVERY blog that I do. THIS will never change. When you stay connected with God.. you won't WANT to sin. YOU will WANT to please GOD. YOU WANT what you put IN front of your face.


If you wonder why jealousy, envy, and being controlling is involved in a relationship, it's evident of WHO you let into your relationship. When you have sex outside of marriage it introduces feelings & unhealthy emotions. WHY even open yourself UP to the devil? YOU belong to whoever you obey. Sounds kinda harsh right? ...Well, I didn't say it-- it is written; Titus 1:16 "They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good." & John 8:44: "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire"

I'm not saying this to beat you down-- I'm trying to CHALLENGE you to change your LIFE & chose GOD over a piece of non-committed meat.A relationship can either be a distraction that leaves you stuck in a ditch-- hurt, confused or frustrated-- or it can be a bridge that PUSHES you towards Christ. If you've messed up in your relationships.. make a decision to start new! Don't think.. oh, we messed up & God can't use us and we won't have the story that "we waited"-- DO what GOD is instructing YOU to do.

DO you not know that what you PUT in YOU illuminates OUTSIDE of you?!? Put in God's word, study, prayer--we can see your heart.. filled with purity and a "glow" about you. If you're sleeping with your guy.. we can see it in  your eyes. So change. Not for people. But for YOU & GOD. You're so valuable. So beautiful. Start living, thinking& acting like it.

#Let's do this right.
God loves you like crazy,

|Music+Singspiration| - #NewSong, By Chiika 100% - I'VE COME TO WORSHIP (THANK GOD)

Lovely Peeps & Tweethearts!

It's here, another new single from Chiika100% titled 'I'VE COME TO WORSHIP (THANK GOD)'.
Productions by Dr. Paul. Please download, listen and share with your family and friends. It's one perfect song for thanksgiving to Our Great God.

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD 'I'VE COME TO WORSHIP (THANK GOD)' By Chiika-100%

#Make it your song for this year
#SupportGospel Music

|Phototainment| - #Few Sights @Tiwa and Teebillz wedding event

[Phototainment+Splash]

Few photos & sights, @TeeBillz and Tiwa Savage wedding event, after the cut..
Happy Viewing!

|Music+Singspiration| - #Coming Soon.. [The Twist] BNACH+Phoortunes; 'xmas-vibe' and one more.

Y'hello lovely Peeps & Tweethearts!

In collaboration, CAPSTONE Media & Gerryblings Entertainment will shortly bring to, a song for the season..
[The Twist] BNACH+Phoortunes; 'xmas-vibe' (Official singles)
#Make it your song this xmas..


And one more song 'ONLY YOU' by our very own friend and brother Phoortunes.

#Be Part of the drive..
#SupportGospel Music!


Jah Bless!
#TeamGospelMix

|Love, Sex & Relationship| - How to be a Good Wife? #Keeping the Man Happy

GOOD Read People!
I am a film believer of ‘what you give is what you get in return’ as far as human behavior is concerned. If you are a good wife to your Husband and treat him right, he would cherish you, love you and nurture you in return.

Want to know how to keep your Husband happy? Here are some of the Qualities a man looks in his wife.

1) Be pleasant: It is said that 'we need to treat others the way we want ourselves to be treated’. Never be rude to our husband, family and friends. Be warm, kind, positive, understanding and friendly. Work to be pleasant toward your husband. Don’t be one of those people who make everyone around feel bad just because they have had a hard day. Welcome your husband with a smile when he comes home instead of a sour face. A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Listen to him talk about his day especially if it was a difficult one. If you don't like how you partner treats you, take a minute to notice how you treat your partner and correct your behavior.

2) Treat your Husband with Respect: If you expect respect from others we need to treat others with respect too. Haven’t we all heard ‘Give respect and take respect’? Respect can be reflected in the way one talks and behaves. Always speak in a loving way and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby and she never chooses to belittle strike, humiliate or otherwise harm him in private nor in public. It is better to watch what you say and think before speaking as it is not possible to take back the words once they are said. A good wife will treat her man with respect in front of others and at home.

3) Communicate: Communication is the key to a good and solid marriage. Do not hide things from your husband or keep secrets after marriage. Be honest to him. Find time to sit and talk with your husband on a daily basis even if it is for only half an hour. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your husband anything then your marriage is in trouble. Be a good listener when your husband is talking. You may have a dozen important things to tell him but allow him to talk first. Don't greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work. Good Communication also helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship. After marriage the wife and husband are a team or partners. Do not take any major decisions about the family without consulting with husband. Fights or problems may happen in between the two but do not let the world know about it rather solve it between yourselves. The fight you had last week over shopping or whatever is over and done with. So move on with it and stop rehashing old stuff and reminding him of his faults. Do not resort to name calling, hitting, spitting, breaking dishes or anything else when you lose your temper. If you do he may actually start to fall out of love with you and you could lose him all together.

4) Be Supportive: A husband expects wife’s support and understanding especially in times of troubles. A good wife loves her hubby through his successes and failures and provides reassurance when he's feeling down. She is a nurturer and an equal partner in the marriage. Support your husband in all stages of his career and life. Do not belittle your man or hurt his ego. It is often heard saying that ‘a wife can make a man or break a man’. There’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him or belittle him especially in front of others. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely complement him. If you do this you can expect your husband to behave with you in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. When you don’t agree with him respectfully let him know you don’t agree.

5) Do not nag: No man would like a nagging wife. If you want to get your own way ask him nicely. Many wives think that is the only way to get her husband to do things is by nagging. But the truth is that your nagging can create unwanted rift or can make things worse between the two of you. Your husband is a grown man with his own thoughts and desires. Just because you think he should be doing something particular doesn't mean he has to do it.

6) Give him his space: As a wife you need to understand that your husband has a life other than you also. He has his family, friends and colleagues who too are part of his life. He also may have some hobbies or passions he is involved in. Don’t expect his undivided attention. Don’t stop him if he wants to go out and hang out with his friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or sport that he likes. An interfering wife can sometimes be too irritating.

7) Keep him happy in Bed: Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. When you please your man, he would be obliged to please you too. Please your man in bed. If you cannot keep your man happy in Bed he may go where he can get it. After all, a Man is a man! According to research, the major reason why men cheat is mostly physical whereas for a woman it is emotional.

8) Plan Surprises: Men like surprises too. It can be anything like organizing his birthday party without him knowing about it or planning a special night of passion by playing a seductress. Your surprises do not have to be elaborate and can be as simple as making him his favorite snack or any of his favorite dishes once in a while even if you would rather eat something else.

9) Express your love and appreciation often: Men likes praises and appreciation. Make the best of your time together. Men like to hear the words ‘I love you’ too. Also join him in activities that he's interested in even though you would have preferred to do something else. Give him a thoughtful gift once in a while. Make it a point never to forget the special days in his life. Pamper him very often, especially when he is at home. You can even cook for him or give him a good massage. Making him dependent on you by doing his chores when he is at home is not a bad idea. Let him miss you and think about you when you are not around. These gestures won’t go unnoticed and it may even inspire him to do something nice for you. Don't withhold affection.

10) Honesty, Loyalty and Dedication: A good wife would be honest, loyal and dedicated to her husband. Marriage is a lifelong commitment and the vows you have taken at the time of marriage should be kept in all conditions.

11) Prepare yourself: A good wife honors her hubby by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on her face and a neat and clean appearance. Take special care about your appearance and every day. Include exercises or yoga in your daily routine. Be hygienic. Some woman feel that once they are married why they should dress up or take care of their appearance. A man likes his wife to smell good. If you are unhealthy or not presentable your man may cheat you behind your back.

12) Prepare the House: Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Apart from this be wise with money and take all the responsibilities of a wife seriously without complaining.

Do you want a Good Husband who would love you and cherish you? Then treat him exactly the way you want him to treat you. If you want your Husband to treat you like a Queen, you should treat him like a King. In this modern world where most Wives also work the above advice may not be fully practical. But at least some efforts can be put to put these tips into practice. If you are working, you may keep a maid for doing the household chores of cooking, cleaning etc.

I am sure any man would be happy to get a good wife with all the above said qualities. Anyways, I have some advice for Men who were overjoyed seeing this Hub. Marriage is a two sided relationship and you have to play your role too in a perfect manner if you expect your wife to be an ideal one.

|Music+Singspiration| - PREYE's (My Script Album) + New Singles, Officially Out.

Y'hello lovely fans and Tweethearts!

It's finally here.. Up & Running..
You All go download this songs from one of our very own favorite and special Gospel music Artiste 'Preye Odede' from his new
|'My Script' Album|

the Official release date, 20th November 2013;
Now Available; Go get it @Stores and CD-Outlets.
#SupportGospel Music

Preye is a sensational gospel music minister
with sweet rhythm imbedded in him. Although he
has been behind the scene for quite a
while Preye has perfected his skills and has finally drop his album: My Script.

Below are promo tracks from Preye’s Album
Follow the links to Download:
•Ebezina
•Na to you
•Onye di ka gi

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD - (EBEZINA) by Preye

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD - (NA TO YOU) by Preye

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD - (ONYE DI KA GI) by Preye

|Love, Sex & Relationship| - Is He Ready To Meet Your Friends? When To Introduce Him To Friends

Even before the advent of online dating, it’s always been a conundrum when to introduce your new love interest to friends and family. For starters, you don’t want to scare him or her off because your family is intense or freaky, or chilly and distant, or loud and boisterous. You know all their limitations; they’re YOUR family. And then there’s your friends. And because they are your friends, they’re looking out for you, they’ve got your back. When you put your friends and your new relationship together, there’s no such thing as a “casual” first meet.

My friends who have who met their match online have offered a slew of advice on this trenchant matter. “Introduce them at your wedding day,” one woman bluntly said. “When you’re past the “just started dating” stage,” a male friend opined.

It has been duly noted that female friends love to meet any guy their girlfriend is dating and feel it’s important to give feedback to their friend about her new liaison. How men feel about this is another story. “It’s like standing before a firing squad,” one man said who has gone through it several times.  “You just pray you survive.”

The most common rule of thumb when to make introductions is as soon as you know the relationship is “going somewhere.”

“When it’s exclusive,” is what many people believe.

It’s more common to introduce someone you’re dating to friends before family.

“Friends a couple of months into the dating,” one man said. “Family – only when you’re ready to put a ring on it.”

On the other hand, some people start the introduction process even before the first wink or text or date. “I like to show my friends the man’s profile pic and how he described himself on his page,” a single friend said. “My weakness is I tend to fall fast for a handsome face, so I rely on my girlfriends, sometimes even my teenage daughter, to take a look and tell me what they think. Usually they’re much sharper than me on figuring out whether a photo has been photo-shopped, or if the person is just throwing out a load of crap.”

At the end of the day, there is no “right” time frame.

“When the time is right, you’ll know,” a man who dates often said. “And if you never want to introduce the person, that’s a sign you shouldn’t be dating them.”

|Love, Sex & Relationship| - How To Tell If He's The One Is He The Right Guy For You?

So you’re dating a man, and within a date or two, you’re falling head over heels. Pheromones can do that, physical attraction is immediate, but the draw can be, unfortunately, superficial. To get some insight into the bigger question—whether the two of you can go the distance--is a bit trickier and requires some hard questions and self-reflection.

How to tell if he’s the right guy for you is a uniquely individual process. It’s funny how that works. It may seem as if everyone you know has an idea of who should be your perfect next spouse or partner.  But only you can know if someone has the potential to be a solid match. Need help figuring out how that goes? Try answering these highly pertinent questions.

Does he have a sense of humor that dovetails with yours?

Does he make you laugh?

Are your waking/sleeping schedules compatible? It’s a bummer to make it work when he’s a perpetually early riser and you’re the lie-in type.

Do you like the same kind of food? Drink about the same amount of alcohol?

If you’ve been dating long enough for him to meet your friends and family, does he get along with them?

Do you get along with his?

What about kids—yours and his? Do you like his ? Do yours like him?

Are you about equally adventurous when it comes to taking risks?

Do you have the same views about money?

Is he more extravagant than you—or a whole lot stingier?

How well do you work together on a shared project?

Do you think he's too smart--or not nearly as smart as you?

Do you like the way he solves problems, even minor ones?

Do you respect him? Does he respect you?

If you can answer these questions honestly and still feel good, it’s entirely possible that you’ve met the person who’s right for you. Of course there are other factors that come into play such as physical attraction, financial matters, and geography.

Chances are you’ve already been in a relationship where the other person was less than ideally suited to you. History doesn’t have to be repeated it’s all up to you.
But a good way to start building a solid relationship is asking yourself some questions and giving yourself some honest answers.

|Love, Sex & Relationship| - 10 Tips On how to have the life and the happiness you deserve

How to meet and marry the man of your dreams, and how to have the life you want and the happiness you deserve!

#Culled from "Love for Grown-ups": The Garter Brides’ Guide to Marrying for Life When You’ve Already Got a Life, the Garter Brides (Ann Blumenthal Jacobs, Tish Rabe and Patricia Ryan Lampl), a sisterhood of girlfriends who wore the same garter at their weddings, offers lots of tips for women over 40, including how to meet and marry the man of your dreams, and how to have the life you want and the happiness you deserve!

Here are their top ten tips:
1. Leave the past in the past
When you meet someone new, leave any negative feelings or past heartbreaks just where they should be—in the past.

2. You won’t meet someone new in your living room
Well, maybe a cute guy will deliver your new sofa, but chances are you’re going to meet someone by getting out there and trying new things—online dating, taking a class, etc. Tell everyone, especially your married friends, that you’re looking to meet someone and ALWAYS go to parties. Because you truly never know who you’ll meet.

3. Give the guy a chance
When you were 20 your list was “he must be tall, dark and handsome.” Try going against type. It just might be a perfect fit.

4. Look at blind dates like a first date
Two of the authors of our book met their husbands on blind dates, and you can too! If you’re not sure you want to sit in a noisy restaurant, go out and do something fun. One of our Garter Brides went to a baseball game, and she and her date each brought a friend. They had a blast and got married one year later.

5. Time is on your side
Take your time in getting to know your guy and don’t feel in a rush to meet his children or have him meet yours. It starts with the two of you. Make sure this is someone you want in your life.

6. Isn’t it romantic?
Just because you’re meeting the love of your life later in life doesn’t mean you can’t still have passionate, amazing sex! The Garter Brides say “Go for it!”

7. Someone to come home to
When you’re ready to move in together you will discover how wonderful it is to come home to the one you love. Be prepared for some give and take—for example, over which of each others’ belongings stay or go.

8. What’s up with a pre-nup?
Remember that a pre-nup isn’t because you think your marriage isn’t going to work—it’s so you get to decide how your assets and everything you’ve worked for can be protected.

9. Your wedding, your way
Now you’re in love and it’s time to have your wedding exactly how you want it. The Garter Brides have had all kinds of weddings! Remember it is all about you and the man of your dreams. Whatever you want is the way to go.

10. Happily ever after can happen to you
Remember what the Garter Brides always say: “It’s never too late to find true love. We did, and you can too!’

|Entertainment Gist| - Photo Speaks: Happy Married Life To Peter Okoye (P-Square)

Yippie!
Big Congrats to Peter Okoye & Lola Omotayo on their wedding day;
These are few shots taken at the event and sights of people present at the event..
Happy Viewing!

|Love, Sex & Relationship| - The Role of a Man (Interview 2, with Dr. Phil)

An Interview session with Our Guest Counselor: Dr. Phil

-Read through-

Money Isn't Enough:
Valerie says her husband David provides her with everything — except love and affection. David insists he is a good provider, even though he can't say "I love you."

David feels that he is a good provider for his wife, Valerie, and their family. Valerie wishes he would provide love and affection in addition to material wealth.

Valerie: We don't talk or touch and I have recently moved to another bedroom. It's just not the way it's supposed to be. David is a wonderful father. His children are his life. But he's not able to be that way with me. We will not last much longer if things don't change.




David: I can never tell my wife I love her, because nobody ever said it to me when I was growing up. I never knew what love was. I feel like I never had it ... I can't be passionate or intimate. We've been separated twice.

Dr. Phil: Are you confused about what your role should be?

David: I didn't think I was confused, but since it isn't working, I obviously must be confused about the role I'm playing ... I think I'm supposed to be keeping the marriage vows, being there for my wife, and leading the direction of the family.

Dr. Phil: How are you doing?

David: Not too good ... What I'm doing is running my marriage like I run the business: I'm the boss. I have good rules and I have a good benefits program.

Dr. Phil: [Patting David on the arm] We need to talk ... This show is not about relationships. That's why I don't have your wife sitting next to you right now. This is about you and your role in the family, and I have very strong views about what that ought to be.

David tells Dr. Phil that he knows he should be more affectionate but doesn't know how. He admits that he is waiting for his wife to be nice to him so he can be nice back and hopes she can "teach" him how to be more loving.

Dr. Phil: I wasn't real plugged in when I was married. I was a workaholic and my wife took me by the hand — sometimes by the ear — and said, "Look, you're not going to be a jerk. You're going to learn to be plugged in." I'm so glad she did. She taught me that very patiently. But most people don't have that kind of blessing that I found in her. So I'm going to tell you it's your job. This isn't about Valerie and what she does or doesn't do. You have a job to do and if you do it, you're going to be at peace with yourself and everything else is going to start falling in line for you.

Dr. Phil explains that there are types of currency that David should be providing that have nothing to do with money:
psychological, emotional, spiritual and familial.

Dr. Phil: What would happen if all of a sudden you said, "I'm not waiting for Valerie to do anything. My job is to sit down and ask myself every morning, 'What can I do today to create income for my family emotionally, spiritually and physically?'"

David: I think the environment in our home would change dramatically. My wife would be more receptive to me ... and it would feel really great.

Dr. Phil: What would it mean to you if you knew that you created that as the leader of the family?

David: It would make me feel very powerful ... and at peace ... I would give my money away because that is really what I want.

Dr. Phil: You don't have to give your money away. You just need to add that definition to the different kinds of currency [you provide].

Dr. Phil: Another job you have is to be a protector. What do you think of when I say protector?

David: Keeping my family safe. Not letting other people hurt them.

Dr. Phil: You've got that part of it right. But you're probably starting to realize that there are multiple dimensions to these things. You also have to protect their self-esteem, sense of security, belonging and well-being. The person most equipped to tear that down is you, because you have access to them. They love you and value your opinion ...

You don't have to have your partner participate in order to make huge differences in your relationship. This is all about you. The bad news is, you can't lay any of this off on your wife, parents or children. The good news is, the only person you need access to in order to change this is you. You just need to broaden your definition of success as a man.

Vengeful and Scared?Caught in the Headlines?Ready to Cut Ties with Your Family?Embarrassed of Your Rude Family Member?Have You Been Stabbed in the Back?In a Love Triangle?Family Business Chaos?Friend or Family Member Your Worst Enemy?Accused of Something Horrible? Huge Family Drama?Infidelity Destroy Your Marriage? Raising Your Teen's Child? Husband Obsessed with Your Appearance?Undiagnosed Erectile Dysfunction?Spouse Won't Go to the Doctor?Does Your Lazy Husband Blame a Pain or Illness?Hate Going to the Doctor?Mystery Illness or Pain?

Dr. Phil: There was a day in my life that I believe I took the biggest single maturity step in my life. And let me tell you, I needed it. There was a time in my life and my marriage when everything was about me. If I was happy, why would anyone
else be concerned? What happened was, I was in my office with a patient, giving advice ... I was listening to this woman talk about getting in the car with her husband and just riding silently, not speaking to each other, and how lonely she felt in that car with her husband. In that moment I said, "I am not worth the powder to blow me to hell if my wife experiences that..."

I decided to expand my definition of success as a man to include the fact that I want my wife to be able to stand in a room with 1,000 other women, look around and know there isn't another woman there who gets treated better than her behind closed doors. I'm not saying that to pat myself on the back. I'm saying it to confess how off the mark I was. I should have been doing that from day one ... I can't tell you how it felt the first night I went to bed knowing my wife hit the jackpot.

Later in the show, Valerie is taken from backstage where she was watching the show and is seated in the audience.

Dr. Phil: What do you want your life to be like with David?

Valerie: I want to be able to walk into a room of 1,000 people and say, "I got the best one"

After the show, when Dr. Phil asks his audience members if they think he's gotten David's attention, the majority raise their hands. His wife applauds in agreement.

Dr. Phil: Don't you give him high marks for being here?

Valerie: Absolutely.

Dr. Phil encourages her to come on stage and give her husband a hug. Valerie embraces and kisses David while the audience

|Love, Sex & Relationship| - The Role of a Man (Interview 1, with Dr. Phil)

An Interview session with Our Guest Counselor: Dr. Phil

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An Undefined Role:

Julie says that she and her fiancé, Norm, argue violently in front of her children because of his lying, leaving Norm feeling like a failure as a man and questioning his role.

Norm left two children and a 15-year marriage to be with his fiancé Julie and her two children. But their volatile
relationship has Norm feeling that he's failed as a man.

Julie: Norm lies constantly. We fight a lot because he's very controlling ... Being in a relationship with him makes me feel like I'm in a prison and he's the warden.

Norm: Julie is unemployed. I pay all the bills. The cars and house are in my name. She carries credit cards that she has never made a payment on ... I've adequately provided for this family. I'm the only father figure her children have ever known.

Norm admits that he frequently argues with Julie and that the fights turn violent, often in front of the children.

Dr. Phil: You were here while I was talking with David. What kind of report card do you give yourself at this point?

Norm: I'd like to be optimistic and say I deserve a D minus, but I'm probably failing.

Dr. Phil: I read everything you said and the thing that stuck out to me the most was when you said, "I have all the qualities Julie is looking for." I made a list of the descriptors she said and you verified: You lie, have been violent with her physically, have abandoned her, and you belittle her. And you do it all in front of the children. I found that inconsistent with you saying that you have all the qualities she is looking for. What do you say?

Norm: I say the qualities are there. I just haven't learned how to tap them properly yet.

Dr. Phil: I'm trying to get across to the men here that the most important relationship you have is with you ... How are you
getting along with you?

Norm: I'm not.

When Dr. Phil asks Norm what he sees when he looks in the mirror after having a physical fight with Julie, Norm says he sees a man who has a lot of growing up to do in order to be the man he wants to be. He admits that his need to have total control has damaged his relationship with Julie.

Dr. Phil: I think one of the biggest myths in life is this myth of control. I don't think we control much ... Are you truly so arrogant as to believe that you can control Julie? Based on results, how's that working for you?

Norm: Not very well.

Dr. Phil: I haven't met Julie, but I've met Robin. And there's nobody who controls her but her. What you can do is inspire your partner to go in a certain direction if you're careful.

Dr. Phil: You left your wife and those children to be with Julie. So this was a relationship born of infidelity?

Norm: Yes.

Dr. Phil: Do you feel guilty about that?

Norm: Every day of my life.

Dr. Phil: That contaminates where you are now. You drag that guilt with you every single day. You say you have to lie because Julie will go off the deep end and get bent out of shape if you don't. Do you know that if you leave here today and do some of the things we saw you do on tape, you are sealing the fate of your relationship?

Dr. Phil asks to speak with Julie, who is backstage. She confirms that her fights with Norm have become violent and sometimes occur in front of the children.

Dr. Phil: Let me tell you both, that's not OK. You don't have the right to do this in front of the children. Norm, if you're going to be the provider in all areas, being the protector of self-esteem and safety, the leader and teacher, then you will make a life decision to change this right now. And if that means that you two aren't going to be together anymore, then you need to not to be together anymore. It's that simple ...

Julie, if he raises his hand and hits you, that is a drop-dead deal breaker. And I don't mean after five times or three times, I mean that is a drop-dead deal breaker. If you have any shred of dignity and concern for your children, if he hits you one more time, you will be gone. Could I be any more clear?

Jamie: No.

Dr. Phil [to Norm]: You have to stop that behavior and stop it now. If you can stop it by yourself, then do it. If you can't, get help. If you can't stop it with help, then get out.