Guest Counselor: Jennifer Hayes
QUESTION:
Three years ago I ended a relationship with a guy who I thought was the one I would spend forever with.
He was very angry with me and it wasn’t until just recently that we have been back in contact with each other. I have moved on and currently I am engaged to a wonderful man. However, I was overjoyed when I got a call from my old boyfriend. We have been talking and texting at least a few times a week. My question is should I be doing this? He is currently not in a relationship and on several occasions has told me he misses me. Even though I am only his friend I feel like maybe he wants more.
How do I continue being friends with him? I love having his friendship, I would hate to let it go. Please help!
ANSWER:
I get this question a lot... Can two people who were in love and breakup then be friends? I say yes! However there are circumstances, can you both handle it? Some people are perfectly capable of being chums with their past loves, particularly if their break-ups were mutual, the relationship was more platonic than passionate, or if they jointly outgrew each other. In fact, I am friendly with almost all of my Exes, but it is because we understand where we stand.
In your case I think he might be hoping for more. My advice to you is to set boundaries with him. Let him know you have no intentions of ever getting back with him. If he wants to continue being your friend he can not cross the line by telling you how much he misses you. I think it is important for you to establish this before going further. The fact that you are even questioning it, tells me you've known it is headed in the wrong direction. Get it Right before it goes Wrong!
XOXO
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